Parenting 101 - "Did You Know"
Of the many emails I receive from preschool professionals, one especially caught my eye this week about separation anxiety - "the fear of the unknown" in children and how it can show up even after the third week of school. Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, proposed that healthy human beings have a certain number of needs. Maslow's 'hierarchy of needs' is often presented as a five-level pyramid, with higher needs coming into focus only after our basic needs are met. They are:
1. Physiological - these are basic needs: water, food, sleep, air, etc.
2. Safety - once our basic needs are met, we look for our safety needs to be met: family, our bodies, etc.
3. Love/Belonging - once our basic and safety needs are met we grow into the stage of love and belonging. This is as crucial as our basic and safety needs. This stage develops trust in others.
4. Self Esteem - once our basic and safety needs are met and we feel loved and belong, we then develop confidence in ourselves and build respect for ourselves and others around us.
5. Self-Actualization - with all the previous needs and developmental areas intact, we can then grow and develop problem-solving skills, spontaneity (the ability to be flexible), etc.
This "ladder of life" so to speak, is not one that when we reach the top, we stay there. Life happens and we get knocked down to the particular area we are in need of - such as a death in the family; divorce; new family members; moving to a neighborhood/state; etc and for children - even a different school. What can parents and teachers do to help lessen the impact of separation:
1. Acknowledge the child's feelings
2. Reassure them that they will be back home soon and you will be waiting to hear all about their day.
3. Talk about how they feel. Let them know that you have had feelings like theirs too and that those feelings eventually go away.
4. Read books being away separated: "I Love You All Day Long" by Frances Rusacks; "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn and "Will I Have a Friend" by Marian Cohen.
I hope this helps with if and when feelings of separation anxiety show up.
1. Physiological - these are basic needs: water, food, sleep, air, etc.
2. Safety - once our basic needs are met, we look for our safety needs to be met: family, our bodies, etc.
3. Love/Belonging - once our basic and safety needs are met we grow into the stage of love and belonging. This is as crucial as our basic and safety needs. This stage develops trust in others.
4. Self Esteem - once our basic and safety needs are met and we feel loved and belong, we then develop confidence in ourselves and build respect for ourselves and others around us.
5. Self-Actualization - with all the previous needs and developmental areas intact, we can then grow and develop problem-solving skills, spontaneity (the ability to be flexible), etc.
This "ladder of life" so to speak, is not one that when we reach the top, we stay there. Life happens and we get knocked down to the particular area we are in need of - such as a death in the family; divorce; new family members; moving to a neighborhood/state; etc and for children - even a different school. What can parents and teachers do to help lessen the impact of separation:
1. Acknowledge the child's feelings
2. Reassure them that they will be back home soon and you will be waiting to hear all about their day.
3. Talk about how they feel. Let them know that you have had feelings like theirs too and that those feelings eventually go away.
4. Read books being away separated: "I Love You All Day Long" by Frances Rusacks; "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn and "Will I Have a Friend" by Marian Cohen.
I hope this helps with if and when feelings of separation anxiety show up.